The other day one of my friend was telling me that she wants to have a baby because everyone around her is having one. And my instant reaction was No!!!! She was like what’s the matter with you? Who so ever I told about my decision is happy, why not you? And I said “have a baby only when you are prepared for it”, all this talk took me back to my first pregnancy. And today I will be sharing it with you all.
So, this was in June 2011, around 6 months after we got married. We got married on 25th December 2010. I had just gotten over with my post graduate (PG) first year final exams. We were watching some movie on the TV sipping on our beers. There was this sanitary napkin advertisement running on it. And suddenly I realised, I had not got my chums that month. I checked my calendar on the phone and there was no entry there as well. And here’s the conversation that followed.
Me: I didn’t get my chums this month.
Hubby: you must have got them. Maybe you forgot in the exam stress.
Me: no, I checked my calendar. Its not there. My chums visit date to date on time.
Hubby: maybe they are late because of the exam stress and all.
Me: but I am almost 15 days late.
Hubby: you are over reacting. Let’s wait for a week. I am sure you will get them, don’t panic.
Me: OK (still doubting).
A week later, me: still no sign of them. I am sure I am pregnant!!
Hubby: OK. Let’s do the test.
Because of all the anxiety and nervousness, I bought 5 test kits (to be extra sure you know and of different brands as well). Test 1 was negative (a sigh of relief), test 2 was positive (shit!!), test 3 and 4 gave error. Finally, did test 5 with the first sample in the morning and it was positive. I clearly remember it was a Thursday morning and we were hustling to get ready for office and work. Still unsure of what just happened, I called my mum.
Me: mum, what you doing? I got to talk to you.
Mum: I am getting ready for work. What happened?
Me: I think I am pregnant!
Mum: what? Congratulations!! Such a great news that too on a Thursday.
Me: I am nervous. What will I do now?
Mum: don’t worry let’s meet in the evening and talk.
Me: OK mum. Bye!
As I had to rush to college, I didn’t call anyone else. An hour after reaching college, I got a congratulatory call from my dad and in-laws. And all I could say was ‘thank you’.
All of this seems to be so happy and perfect right? But in all this no one knew what I was feeling and going through. As I mentioned earlier I was doing my PG. I was about to start with my final year. I had to start working on my dissertation. My college, patients, presentations, this was all I was prepared for. These were the things I had on my mind. This was what I was prepared for. Not a baby!
After all this happened, I didn’t attend college for almost 2 weeks. I didn’t know how to face my colleagues and teachers. Or rather I didn’t want to face them. I was so unsure of everything. Soon enough we went to a doctor and my pregnancy was confirmed. And then followed many more congratulatory messages. I used to just sit at home and do nothing. I was behaving as if something bad had happened to me. I was behaving as if I was sick. Maybe it was because of the severe nausea and vomiting that I had. I had become lethargic and dull.
When it comes to a woman’s pregnancy, everyone around is more focussed on the physical well being of the mother and her baby. But what about the psychological and emotional aspect of it? No one really talks to the woman what she is going through psychologically. I remember having crying spells for no reason at all. I was constantly anxious about how my life and routine would change after having a baby? Will I be able to appear and clear my final exams? Or will I have to appear 6 months later. In short, I was not prepared for this big life change. And by this I am not referring to the physical preparedness and health part, I am talking about the mental health and psychological aspect of it. I was not prepared for people to see me puking every now and then. I didn’t want my colleagues and teachers to feel that I was incapable of fulfilling some of my duties because I was pregnant. All these thoughts kept me disturbed, I was behaving weird. On the outside, people thought everything was fine. But in reality, it and I wasn’t.
Pregnancy is a phase full of changes and challenges. It is the time when you and your partner have to confront each other’s fears and expectations. It is the time to decide your parenting style. In the first trimester, the psychological changes may not be seen, but they are significant. There is this constant feeling of anxiety and nervousness. The nausea and vomiting you suffer from, just add on to all of this. There is this constant fear of losing your baby. I was going through all of that and no one knew about it. In fact, I never spoke to anyone for the fear of being judged and being over dramatic. Finally as I entered my second trimester, things got better and I decided to take control of my life. I started staying happy and positive.
The first trimester is more about psychological changes than physical changes. These include mood swings, anxiety. Everything happening is new for a mother. She and her body are going through a lot of changes and they need time and support to adjust to all of it. Though she knows all of this is normal, but it is difficult to function well with all these lingering feelings. We undergo depression and crying spells for no reason at all, we get angry for small and insignificant things. But all this is out of control. Thanks to those bloody hormones! In some cases, this increased stress might even lead to miscarriages. As we enter the second trimester, we are more relieved as we get habitual to all the changes. But the one added thing now is being forgetful. Not just that, we become disorganized as well. And to add to all of this, are the physical changes that are equally significant and visible now. All the weight gain makes us self-conscious. This might also be accompanied by skin breakouts and hair fall. Though the happy part starts now. We can feel the baby kick and move around. And finally, it all sinks in. The third and final trimester is all about the wait. The constant feeling of losing one’s baby disappears and we eagerly start waiting for the arrival of the new one. We start worrying about the birth and labor. Now is the time to start working on the birth plan and everything needed for the baby’s arrival.
So you see there is so much going on inside of us, the outside world has little/ no clue about. A lot of people are not even open to discussing all these issues. Well, again these might be normal, but for someone facing them and that too for the first time, these are issues. Uhh… did I drift away from the topic? Well maybe. But all these things are important and should be addressed.
Not being ready for a pregnancy maybe due to an unplanned pregnancy (like mine) and family pressure (for them your biological clock is ticking away), rape (well we cant overlook this cause), sexual activity without the use of contraception. But girl, if you are really not up for it do talk to your doctor about what can be done? In my case, I didn’t have that choice as I have had a history of PCOD and so we didn’t want to take chances with it.
To sum it all have a baby only and only when you are ready for it and because others feel that you are ready for it. It’s a big life change and that too not a easy one. So sign up for it, only when you are 100 % sure about it.
Just to help you all a little. Here is a list of few things that helped me deal with all of my issues:
- Taking extra rest
- Talking to your friend
- Talking to your spouse
- Regular walks and exercise
That’s all from me for now.
Bbye and take care.
same article also published on momspresso. link down below