Disciplining a child is to teach them how to and how not to behave. It is an integral part of being a parent. It is a long term goal.
I personally feel disciplining should be more of training the child and not punishing him/ her. Every parent on this planet will admit to yelling/ spanking their child at some point or other. Being a parent/ Raising a child is not easy. There are times when we lose our cool, we are humans after all. But the past 7 years of parenting has made me realise that positive disciplining strategies are more effective than resorting to corporal punishments. Spanking may be effective in the short term, but has the most negative consequences in the long run. When we hit a child we send the message that hitting someone is Ok. But when the same child hits his friend/ sibling, we scold them for doing so.
Lets take a look few positive measures to disciplining our children so as to teach them to manage their behaviour and keep them away from causing harm.
We can and we should ignore certain behaviours that arent harmful or dangerous. Selective ignoring is a great tool of teachinng them the consequences of their actions. For example, if your child purposely drops his toy again and again, tell them once or maybe twice about the consequence. If they continue doing it, let them. Soon enough their toy will break and they wont be able to play with it again. TOLD YOU SO. Lesson learnt.
BE A MODEL
Children are excellent observers than listeners. They imitate their parents. Follow what you want them too. Model the behaviour you want them to learn.
I find this the most effective way to curb bad behaviour. Sending them to their rooms gives them a cool off period. It gives them time to calm down and ponder over their actions.
TAKE AWAY PRIVILEGES
Taking away their favourite toy or not letting them watch their favourite cartoon, or not giving them a treat; this hurts more and longer. These are one of the best reminders of their mistakes. There are two ways you can do this. Either set a time limit for taking away the privilege. Say they will get it back after 2 days. But I have seen kids (my own as well) tackling this with ease. When they know they will anyway get their toy back 2 days later, the realization of their mistake is less. Now, comes the second way. Whenever you take away a privilege, do not mention for how long. Just say, they will get it back when you feel they deserve it. The realization is quicker and much better.
ONE- ON- ONE TIME DAILY
Kids need attention. Our lives are very busy these days. We are constantly on our phones or working. Our children crave for our attention, which when not given, leads to misbehaviour to get attention. So make sure to fill their attention balloon daily. Keep those phones away for sometime, do not carry office work home, and spend time with them. Play a game they want, or read a book, a bedtime story or just sitting together for no reason at all. JUST BE THERE!
Teach them problem solving skills, how to deal with their own emotions and compromise. These lessons would be of utmost help in the long run. Teach them that its OK to be disappointed, losing to someone is a part of life. Also, teach them to deal with the emotions that follow.
It is all about learning from their own mistakes. For example, once my daughter refused to study for her school test. Everything I tried to convince her was in vain. Finally I decided to let go. The next day she couldnt answer her test properly and got punished in front of her class. She came home and said “Sorry Mom, i should have listened to you. I didnt like to be punished in front of my friends. I wont repeat this again”. Thats it, no harsh words, no scolding- LESSON LEARNT!
Praise and reward good behaviour. Positive reinforcement is very essential to keep up to something. It will help them to focus on the privileges that they will get later. But you also need to keep in mind that rewards do not have to be toys or treats everytime. It can be some extra cartoon time or just positive praising words.
It is very important to strike the right balance. Lack of discipline might lead to insecurity and behaving out of control. Too much negative discipline leads to good behaviour but out of fear, leading to further issues like anxiety.
Discipline has to be fair and firm. Which menas, the child should be aware of his/ her limits & consequences for bad behaviour; but will also know that good behaviour will be praised and encouraged .
#LetsBlogwithPri is a Blog Train hosted by Prisha Lalwani, Author at Mummasaurus. Thank you Cindy who blogs at http://www.blogaberry.com for introducing me in her blog about Screen time for kids http://www.blogaberry.com/being-a-parent/screen-time-boon-or-curse/Also, I would like to introduce Revati who blogs at http://mommysmusings.in. check out her post http://mommysmusings.in/2019/03/raising-a-well-behaved-child/