Parenthood

Kids helping with household chores

Every household has this discussion of whether and when to involve the kids with the household chores. A coin has both sides. There are people who feel it is best to start and teach them young and there are people who believe in letting them enjoy their childhood till it lasts.

I, happen to be one of those who believe that it is best to teach them young. It’s never too early to get your child involved in the household chores. It is best to lay the foundation for skills useful later in life. It is necessary for them to learn that it is part of daily life and that everyone needs to contribute in running a household. After all, these life skills are necessary when they have their own house, job and start their own family. It might be something very small, but it will teach them to cooperate with others and that helping around the house is important. Kids always copy what mommy and daddy do. So what better way to teach them by example and by starting young. It helps to build their confidence. And yes, don’t forget to praise them plenty, for all their efforts.

Here I have mentioned a few chores that kids of respective ages can help with. There is no hard and fast rule, chores can be different according to every household. This is just a general idea I have in mind.

  • Young kids (around 5 years old) can help with folding small clothes, keeping things (especially their toys) in place, setting up the table at meal times, they can help in making the bed like placing the pillows and sheets, wiping surfaces, serving their own food, handing out clothes while hanging the laundry and throwing the trash. It is best to start with things that they can relate to. Don’t look for perfection. Their effort and willingness to help is what matters.
  • A little older kids (7 to 9 years) can help with dressing themselves up, packing their lunch box and water bottle, setting up their school bag, keeping away their school bag and shoes, sorting everyone’s clothes in different piles, polishing their own school shoes, cleaning up the table after mealtimes, watering the plants and feeding the pet.
  • Once the kids enter their teens, they would like more responsible work. For them it’s more of being part of the real life than just play. Like grocery shopping, cook simple meals, walk the dog, or taking care of the pet, help their younger siblings with schoolwork, baby sit the younger ones when parents are out, mow the lawn they can even help with the laundry, sweeping /mopping/ vacuuming, and wash the utensils. They can even earn some pocket money this way. In fact, in the western countries, teenagers even take up part time or weekend or vacation jobs to earn that extra pocket money or maybe contribute to household finances. This will help improving their confidence, self-esteem, problem solving skills and self-reliance.

 

Remember:

  • Let them help as soon as you think they are ready.
  • Initially make it fun.
  • Remember to do it as a team.
  • Encourage and praise them for however small their effort.
  • Reward them with whatever you feel is ok.
  • Never use it as a punishment.
  • And most important. All chores have to be gender neutral. Learning to cook and do the laundry is equally important for boys as is learning to wash their car for girls.

 

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Brahma kamal / The Lotus of Lord Brahma

FLOWERS ARE THE MUSIC OF THE GROUND. DROM EARTH’S LIPS SPOKEN WITHOUT SOUND – Edwin Curran

This flower is considered to be magical and rare. It is the most revered flower of the Himalayas. This flower blooms in the monsoon season (June to September). Also, it blooms only once in a year or a couple of years. Anyone who sees this flower bloom is considered LUCKY!! The myth says that the wishes of the person who sees it blooming come true. The plant must be planted before winters and it needs lots of indirect sunshine and a very fertile but rocky soil. It needs very little water. Over watering may cause water clogging and it may die. As the scientific name suggests Saussurea obvallata, it is actually a type of cactus. It is often applied on bruises and cuts, and is also used in treating cerebral ischemia and paralysis of the limbs. Also it smells heavenly. However this flower blooms only for a couple of hours and that too only at night. Also you can cut the leaf of the plant and just replant it.

WHY AM I WRITING THIS POST??

This flower here has taught me my biggest life lesson “To enjoy the small joys of life”. It has made me realize that real happiness isn’t something big, but numerous small things. These might me everyday things like, the first rains, a nice meal, your baby’s smile or even a new book. It is these small things that make our life worth living. Many a times we lose or let go of these small treasures in search of the bigger happiness. These little details are vital. They make big things happen.

Joy comes to us in ordinary moments, we risk missing out when we get too busy, chasing down the extraordinary – Brene Brown

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Life lessons courtsey motherhood

Motherhood is amazing, eye opening, challenging and completely transformational. We moms are badass. We have superhuman powers. We can multitask like no one can. Have 10 things on my to do list. Just give me an hour and i will do 15. Our thinking capability triples up after having a baby. Anyways on a serious note, here is what being a mother has taught me. Or lets say “life lessons motherhood has taught me”.

Strength– i never knew that i was capable of bearing the pain that childbirth had to offer. I never knew i could function properly even after not being able to sleep for 2 days. Never thought running after the kids would be so tiring, let alone being able to do it. That’s not all. What about the emotional and mental strength? Motherhood has surely given me the reality check. Who i really am and what all i can deal with.

Appreciate the small things– we always think that the big life achievements like getting a job, buying a house or car are the most defining life moments. But we forget that the small everyday joys are much more meaningful than the bigger ones. Running after the next big goal or prize, there is no end to it. Just stop for a while, take a deep breath, enjoy the moment you are in, take in all that it has to offer and then move on to the next. The small joys that your children give you, The milestones they achieve, that one smile in the entire day. Even losing that 1 kilo on my weighing scale makes me jump with joy. This is life. These tiny moments is what makes it worth it. Soak them in, and don’t let them slip away.

Patience– i have always been a patient person. But motherhood has always put my patience limits to test. The end result- even more patience. Both my kids test my patience levels everyday, but i don’t budge. I have learnt ways to calm me down. And that really helps in keeping me happy and the household happy as well.

The unnoticed me time– before having kids, all the time i had was ‘me time’. But i never appreciated that time. Now that mommying leaves me with hardly any ‘me time’, i finally appreciate all that time now. Nowadays even going to the nearby grocery store alone is like wow. How i miss having tamed eyebrows and body hair. Visiting a salon has become a luxury nowadays. Finally i have come to appreciate even 15 minutes of me time that i get now. It might even be sitting in the loo scrolling on instagram. It’s necessary to keep me sane.

Accepting failure and forgiveness– in this motherhood journey, failure and success go hand in hand. I fail everyday and I succeed everyday. Motherhood is a trial and error journey i feel. When you fail 10 times, you succeed once. I make mistakes everyday and then i learn from them. But the unconditional love i get from my kids, makes it all worth it. Being a mommy has made me realise my flaws. It brings me face to face with my mistakes everyday. But you know what, we all make mistakes. Parenting is a ever learning process. I don’t need to feel bad about it. Definitely make them but forgive myself and learn from them.

Balance– Mom guilt! Some Things are going to take a backseat, let them. Don’t try to juggle all the balls at the same time. Let one of them fall. Trying to balance everything, makes me miserable and tired. Its ok if i don’t do the laundry one day or if i take the shortcut way to cooking. It’s better to do lesser things efficiently than making a mess of all of them.

Pregnancy and childbirth, WOMEN ISSUES

Post partum depression- something we need to talk more about

Momspresso

Check out this interesting blog post
“Happy & elated yet Sad and Hopeless” by Gayatri Deshmukh.
Read Here: https://www.momspresso.com/parenting/motherly-mess/article/happy-elated-yet-sad-and-hopeless

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Children and food. The never ending fight.

We mothers fret a lot when it comes to feeding our children with all the nutritious food we can. It starts from the age of 6 months when we introduce them to the food world to teaching them how to hold a spoon and how to eat.

Read my post here 👇 on how and what helped me and what didnt in this journey of ours.

Momspresso

Check out this interesting blog post
“The Food Battle” by Gayatri Deshmukh.
Read Here: https://www.momspresso.com/parenting/motherly-mess/article/the-food-battle

Skincare

MAMAEARTH C3 FACE MASK

This has to be one of my best buys till now. This is one of those very few products that give you instant results and that too from the very first use. Especially useful to beat the post-partum dullness. Let’s talk about the key ingredients first.

Key ingredients: Purified water, Cetostearyl Alcohol. Cetearyl Olivate, Sorbitan Olivate, Isopropyl Myristate, Kokum Butter, Apricot Oil, Kaolin, Magnesium Carbonate, Titanium Dioxide, Bentonite, Magnesium Aluminium Silicate, Niacinamide, Mulberry Extract, Cucumber Extract, Papaya Extract, Basil Oil, Peppermint Oil, Eucalyptus Oil, Chamomile Extract, Sodium Ascorbyl Phosphate, Glycolic Acid, Citric Acid, Caffeine Anhydrous, Activated Charcoal Powder, Hydroxycinnamic Acid, Propylene Glycol Dibenzoate & Potassium Sorbate.

It is Phthalates free, Mineral oil free, SLS free, and Paraben free as well. Wow too much of goodness in one little tub. The goodness of coffee, charcoal, clay and minerals like potassium and magnesium help stimulate the blood circulation. This in turn helps to remove toxins giving healthy skin. It reduces the excessive melanin production which smoothes away the blemishes and lessens the pigmentation. Charcoal is known to help fight acne, pimples and other oily skin issues. The fruit extracts like papaya, mulberry, cucumber act on the skins elasticity and minimize the pores thus leaving a healthy and youthful glow. You will have naturally glowing skin.

How to apply: apply a generous layer on the face and upper neck avoiding the eye area. Let it dry for around 10 to 15 minutes. While removing, first gently rub it in circular motions (this will exfoliate your skin) and then wash off with lukewarm water. Pat dry with a towel and finish it up with your regular toner and moisturiser. It is recommended that you use it twice a week for best results.

I am in love with this goodness since my very first use. My pores have reduced and so has my acne. I have this glow on my face after every use (the picture says it all). My skin feels squeaky clean, breathable and calm. This mask is a blessing in this scorching heat. This is one of the best products mamaearth has given us. Kudos to that. They never disappoint with any of their products. I cant wait to try their other products.

Do try it out and trust me you wont be disappointed.

Stay tuned for more.

Till then

Cya, bbye

Take care

Parenthood

The Perfect MOM

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Perfect parenting. What is this all about? Why does a mother feel so pressurised about her parenting skills? This is something that has been bothering me ever since I had my first child. Recently I came across this article on google, titled “how you can be a perfect mother”? I mean what? We are humans too. How the hell can you expect us to be perfect? And who are you to decide what perfection is?

Every mother, does everything she can, in the best interest of her child. Her major part of the day revolves around her children. We breathe and live for our children’s well-being. We want our children to be successful and happy. And we would do everything in our power for that.

Every mother may have a different parenting style, but the end result will always be the same. Why do we doubt our decisions? The most common topics that doubt our perfect parenting are: breastfeeding (I don’t even want to start on that), screen time, treats, processed or jarred or canned food, the number of extracurricular activities (I mean seriously?), early schooling, day care, messy house, this list is endless.

We mothers experience the strongest pressures of being the perfect parents. Why are we being judged so much? Why do I have to worry from the minute we wake up until we go back to bed?

There are certain things that I need to remind myself every day. I am doing the best I can. My kids have clean clothes to wear, food to eat, we enjoyed some nice cuddle time before getting started for the day, they had play time at the park, they had their mommy and daddy when they needed them and we had a dance party just because we felt like.

Maybe I couldn’t breastfeed my child, but why does that give you the right to judge me. Do you know what problems I went through? So, what if I let them watch TV or tablet for some time because I needed to get some work done or maybe catch up on a little sleep. so, what that I gave them store bought cookies once in a while. so, what if I haven’t filled out their baby albums even once, so what if I have toys everywhere around in my house. The more important thing is I was there for all their milestones. I was there when they needed a hug or wanted to listen to “I love you” 100 times a day. I was there when they needed help with their school work. I was there when they sprouted their first tooth or when it fell, I was there when they took their first steps. The more important thing is that they know that I will always be there to empathise with them, to make them feel warm and loved, to trust them, to hold their hands and have their backs when they need it.

The irony of all this is that, in seeking perfection in parenting, our parenting has become less effective. All this worrying, lowers my self confidence as mother, leading to less enjoyable and more stressful parenting.

Parenting is all about the “how” than the “what”. Its about how we are sensitive and in tune with our child’s needs. How we inculcate independence and happiness in our children. As I read somewhere, “there is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one”.

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When those 2 pink lines make you nervous

Checking for pregnancyThe other day one of my friend was telling me that she wants to have a baby because everyone around her is having one. And my instant reaction was No!!!! She was like what’s the matter with you? Who so ever I told about my decision is happy, why not you? And I said “have a baby only when you are prepared for it”, all this talk took me back to my first pregnancy. And today I will be sharing it with you all.

So, this was in June 2011, around 6 months after we got married. We got married on 25th December 2010. I had just gotten over with my post graduate (PG) first year final exams. We were watching some movie on the TV sipping on our beers. There was this sanitary napkin advertisement running on it. And suddenly I realised, I had not got my chums that month. I checked my calendar on the phone and there was no entry there as well. And here’s the conversation that followed.

Me: I didn’t get my chums this month.

Hubby: you must have got them. Maybe you forgot in the exam stress.

Me: no, I checked my calendar. Its not there. My chums visit date to date on time.

Hubby: maybe they are late because of the exam stress and all.

Me: but I am almost 15 days late.

Hubby: you are over reacting. Let’s wait for a week. I am sure you will get them, don’t panic.

Me: OK (still doubting).

A week later, me: still no sign of them. I am sure I am pregnant!!

Hubby: OK. Let’s do the test.

Because of all the anxiety and nervousness, I bought 5 test kits (to be extra sure you know and of different brands as well). Test 1 was negative (a sigh of relief), test 2 was positive (shit!!), test 3 and 4 gave error. Finally, did test 5 with the first sample in the morning and it was positive. I clearly remember it was a Thursday morning and we were hustling to get ready for office and work. Still unsure of what just happened, I called my mum.

Me: mum, what you doing? I got to talk to you.

Mum: I am getting ready for work. What happened?

Me: I think I am pregnant!

Mum: what? Congratulations!! Such a great news that too on a Thursday.

Me: I am nervous. What will I do now?

Mum: don’t worry let’s meet in the evening and talk.

Me: OK mum. Bye!

As I had to rush to college, I didn’t call anyone else. An hour after reaching college, I got a congratulatory call from my dad and in-laws. And all I could say was ‘thank you’.

All of this seems to be so happy and perfect right? But in all this no one knew what I was feeling and going through. As I mentioned earlier I was doing my PG. I was about to start with my final year. I had to start working on my dissertation. My college, patients, presentations, this was all I was prepared for. These were the things I had on my mind. This was what I was prepared for. Not a baby!

After all this happened, I didn’t attend college for almost 2 weeks. I didn’t know how to face my colleagues and teachers. Or rather I didn’t want to face them. I was so unsure of everything. Soon enough we went to a doctor and my pregnancy was confirmed. And then followed many more congratulatory messages. I used to just sit at home and do nothing. I was behaving as if something bad had happened to me. I was behaving as if I was sick. Maybe it was because of the severe nausea and vomiting that I had. I had become lethargic and dull.

When it comes to a woman’s pregnancy, everyone around is more focussed on the physical well being of the mother and her baby. But what about the psychological and emotional aspect of it? No one really talks to the woman what she is going through psychologically. I remember having crying spells for no reason at all. I was constantly anxious about how my life and routine would change after having a baby? Will I be able to appear and clear my final exams? Or will I have to appear 6 months later. In short, I was not prepared for this big life change. And by this I am not referring to the physical preparedness and health part, I am talking about the mental health and psychological aspect of it. I was not prepared for people to see me puking every now and then. I didn’t want my colleagues and teachers to feel that I was incapable of fulfilling some of my duties because I was pregnant. All these thoughts kept me disturbed, I was behaving weird. On the outside, people thought everything was fine. But in reality, it and I wasn’t.

Pregnancy is a phase full of changes and challenges. It is the time when you and your partner have to confront each other’s fears and expectations. It is the time to decide your parenting style. In the first trimester, the psychological changes may not be seen, but they are significant. There is this constant feeling of anxiety and nervousness. The nausea and vomiting you suffer from, just add on to all of this. There is this constant fear of losing your baby. I was going through all of that and no one knew about it. In fact, I never spoke to anyone for the fear of being judged and being over dramatic. Finally as I entered my second trimester, things got better and I decided to take control of my life. I started staying happy and positive.

The first trimester is more about psychological changes than physical changes. These include mood swings, anxiety. Everything happening is new for a mother. She and her body are going through a lot of changes and they need time and support to adjust to all of it. Though she knows all of this is normal, but it is difficult to function well with all these lingering feelings. We undergo depression and crying spells for no reason at all, we get angry for small and insignificant things. But all this is out of control. Thanks to those bloody hormones! In some cases, this increased stress might even lead to miscarriages. As we enter the second trimester, we are more relieved as we get habitual to all the changes. But the one added thing now is being forgetful. Not just that, we become disorganized as well. And to add to all of this, are the physical changes that are equally significant and visible now. All the weight gain makes us self-conscious. This might also be accompanied by skin breakouts and hair fall. Though the happy part starts now. We can feel the baby kick and move around. And finally, it all sinks in. The third and final trimester is all about the wait. The constant feeling of losing one’s baby disappears and we eagerly start waiting for the arrival of the new one. We start worrying about the birth and labor. Now is the time to start working on the birth plan and everything needed for the baby’s arrival.

So you see there is so much going on inside of us, the outside world has little/ no clue about. A lot of people are not even open to discussing all these issues. Well, again these might be normal, but for someone facing them and that too for the first time, these are issues. Uhh… did I drift away from the topic? Well maybe. But all these things are important and should be addressed.

Not being ready for a pregnancy maybe due to an unplanned pregnancy (like mine) and family pressure (for them your biological clock is ticking away), rape (well we cant overlook this cause), sexual activity without the use of contraception. But girl, if you are really not up for it do talk to your doctor about what can be done? In my case, I didn’t have that choice as I have had a history of PCOD and so we didn’t want to take chances with it.

To sum it all have a baby only and only when you are ready for it and because others feel that you are ready for it. It’s a big life change and that too not a easy one. So sign up for it, only when you are 100 % sure about it.

Just to help you all a little. Here is a list of few things that helped me deal with all of my issues:

  1. Counselling
  2. Taking extra rest
  3. Meditation
  4. Talking to your friend
  5. Talking to your spouse
  6. Regular walks and exercise
  7. Music

That’s all from me for now.

Bbye and take care.

same article also published on momspresso. link down below

https://www.momspresso.com/parenting/motherly-mess/article/when-those-2-pink-lines-make-you-nervous

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Normal delivery vs C-sec

Normal delivery or caesarean section. What is the more preferable way of childbirth. Read my experiences here.

Momspresso

Check out this interesting blog post
“NORMAL VS C-SEC” by Gayatri Deshmukh.
Read Here: https://www.momspresso.com/parenting/motherly-mess/article/normal-vs-csec